Thoughts on Being a SAHM

I will 100% admit that before having Jacob I had visions of being a stay at home mom mostly looking like late morning Pilates classes, homemade baking and a sparkling clean house. For me, it has been more like scrambling trying to get everything in life done the second he falls asleep (if he decides to). It’s a lot of crying, messes, blowouts and accident prevention as he attempts all the dangerous things. But mixed in there I get a lot of kisses, hugs and giggles- I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Lindsey holding Jacob with a big grin on his face.

Becoming a SAHM has definitely been an adjustment for me. I think the first time I had to claim it to a stranger was when I was getting my teeth cleaned this summer.

Hygienist: “So, you have the day off?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work right now. I had a baby and decided to stay at home.”

Did the hygienist respond with anything snarky? No. Did I immediately feel inadequate? Yes.

It’s just an odd feeling when your answer has been so different every other time in your life. Also when you’ve always been so busy you barely even have time to make a dentist appointment happen in the first place.

Becoming a stay at home mom was a choice for me…. one that I didn’t make lightly and one that I was absolutely privileged to even make. I knew enough after my maternity leave that it wasn’t going to be rainbows and butterflies, but it was where my heart was.

Jacob having a snuggle nap

I was so disconnected going back to work and I think I needed that experience to push me to my decision. But work has always been such a massive part of my life and identity… who even am I when I’m not connected to education 24/7?!

When I made the decision to stay at home, I remember being so scared to share the news. With family… with friends… with coworkers. What will they think of me? They will tell me I’m making a mistake. They will roll their eyes behind my back. They will tell me I’m throwing away my career. They will judge me.

Do I have horrible friends and family? NO! I’m just being honest about the thoughts that raced through my mind. Why do we let others’ (possible & unlikely) thoughts about us carry so much power? I don’t know… I’m 34 and clearly still figuring it out.

Lindsey holding Jacob at home at 4 months old
I might look pulled together here, but inside I was crumbling…
February 2020 was the roughest.

But something happened when I finally got the guts to tell everyone…I was met with unwavering support. Every family member, every friend, and even every coworker. Hugs, words of encouragement, genuine sentiments that I was making the best choice. Even when I shared the news on social media… support from people I haven’t seen in years. I felt such a weight lifted. Thank you to everyone of you that responded with such kindness- you have no idea how much it meant to me.

I have so much respect for all moms. The single moms, the stay at home moms, the working moms, the traveling moms, the moms working from home and losing their mind trying to deal with virtual learning, the moms teaching from home and also trying to support their own children with school… the list goes on.

Despite the constant stream of negativity in the world today, I feel like we’re actually getting to a place where we really do want to lift each other up…that we can support others that make a life choice that’s different from our own.

But we all have to work on that inner dialogue going on in our head… I’m working on mine. Whatever you’re doing as a mom right now- you are ENOUGH.

Lindsey with Jacob in the kitchen

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